When Fyodor talks about the "sublime and beautiful" I understand why he has the urge to destroy that feeling. He says that since the world is not a perfect place, and in his theoretical mnd the world is not all sublime and beautiful, he cannot live in a fake world. He makes it sound like a happy or exciting moment in life is not meant to be, therefore, he destroys it in order to come back to reality.
Conciousness is a disease since one only sees one side of things and not both. Fyodor sees himself as an insect because he is smart but can see all sides, which render himself unable to make any decisions. His excitement therefore lies on the enjoyment he gets from his mire.
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