His constant repetition of the want of living, pursuing, and grieving for not living a "sublime and beautiful" life is understandable up to the point that he says he should have chosen the career of a "sluggard and a glutton". He must be a lunatic if he believes a prestigious and beautiful life is that of a lazy fat man. In my opinion, a sublime and beautiful life is the opposite of a sluggard and glutton. A sublime and beautiful life is that of great success, of intelligence, of knowledge, and of health. Of being determined to grow, improve and learn, and to constantly pursue your desires in life instead of grieving for "what could have been".
I am excited to read more about Fyodor's view on his life since so far I have only been given the corner pieces of the puzzle, soon we will reach the middle.
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