Really loving it so far

      The narrator of Notes from the Underground is, like many of us, his own antihero. Daily struggles and pains come from within himself; he is his own great rival and his own contradictor. He is engaged in battle with his sense of self; thus, this is why he considers consciousness to be a disease. 

      In my opinion, to be aware of oneself is to question oneself. Once the questioning begins, it hardly ever stops. In man’s quest to understand himself, there is never a true nirvana. Man, like society and life itself, is made up of contradictions.

      Why, when we are most happy, do we often feel a wave of sadness? Why do we feel a desire to sink into the swamp that is our own mire and the source of our demise? Why do we suffer and, to some extent, feel pleasure in that? These are a few of the questions Part I conveyed to me.

      One of my favorite quotes from the Sherlock Holmes series is “You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear.” Those who observe and question experience the most pain. They are the artists that so often suffer from depression, and the high level geniuses who are alienated from the world. In The Great Gatsby, Daisy’s greatest hope is that her daughter will grow up to be a simple fool. Those who are not fools are exposed to ugly, disappointing truths. 

      For this reason, Dostoyevsky’s notes are “from the underground”. He brings up the unfortunate facts that we all avoid and cower from; he reminds us that these thoughts nonetheless have a permanent residence in our minds. 

      I believe the notes are part of the narrator’s own quest to understand himself. I have found that in rambles or stream-of-consciousness writing, thoughts often emerge involuntarily. It seems as if the narrator is attempting to observe his own mind with these notes, and unlock the secrets that lie within his subconscious.