It really takes the narrator a lot of effort in order to behave like a normal human being. The second part of the book (the narrative) is the account of the narrators experience with a group of friends. First of all, this man has his priorities completely disheveled. He doesn't pay his loyal servant his salary and instead, uses it to go out with people who don't even want to be with him. Then, he ends up making a fool of himself and rather than just leaving and avoiding further embarrassment, he asks for more money from a "friend" and should be shameful but instead, fantasizes about how he is going to insult them. Then he somehow manages to make a greater fool of himself and wakes up in a bed with another women who he lectures on about love. So now he's in debt to his servant and his "friend", he's made a poor girl realize that not all of life is romantic, and is trying to find a way to apologize to his "comrades" but has trouble trying to properly go about it.
"To this hour, I am lost in admiration when I recall the truly gentlemanly, good-humoured, candid tone of my letter." (Page 75) I can picture the narrator spending hours kneeling over a letter and attempting to write a normal, human response to his "comrades" since he has such a difficult time being socially graceful.
However, I don't blame him. He constantly reveals memories of his childhood which don't seem all too appealing and ones childhood is an important part of ones development. How could you blame someone who all his life, since he was little, has been exposed to nothing but hatred and distrust? He knows nothing else of the world.
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